People Eating People??

So what is up with all these people randomly eating people right now? (If you haven't heard about this, I am sure you will because it is all over the news.)  But seriously.  What is going on?  Zombie Apocalypse?  Top Chef episode gone wrong?  I blame hipsters.  Now everyone is trying to be all "original."  You know, like "I ate people before it was cool."  I hope that no one ever says that.  Seriously.  But I mean, what is this about?  And even more importantly, what do vegetarians have to say about it?  Personally, everything I know about zombies comes from video games.  Yes.  I play video games.  If you haven't discovered how nerdy I am yet then you are truly unobservant.  But anyway, the truth is, I am great at killing Nazi zombies on Call of Duty.  Those anti-Semitic undead jerks.  And if I was in the Wild West, I could totally survive because I have had tons of practice on Red Dead Redemption, Undead Nightmare.  But lets be honest, hitting buttons on my XBox controller isn't going to help me much when swarms of bloody, deteriorating, human eaters come busting through my door.  All I know is that ever since I heard the news, I have been storing blades, shotguns and torches and I have been timing myself to see how fast I can get outside and onto my roof since we all know zombies can't climb ladders.  Should I go ahead and make some crazy deep connection now to life?  Yes I think I will.  Think about zombies like the stresses of society.  If you let them, they will chew you up and spit you out.  You will end up walking around like another zombie, not really living because you are letting stress get the best of you.  Don't let the zombie apocalypse that is stress and worry turn you into another of the undead.  Just pull out your torch and burn those stressors to the ground.  But just remember, you have to get their heads or else they will just get right back up and gnaw on your fingers like baby carrots.